. Mime .
Part 1: the Encounter
I stood there frozen in terror with my mouth wide open. There in front of me stood the most horrifying beast of all…
Or at least the most horrifying beast in my opinion.
“Was it Bigfoot, a flesh eating zombie, a vampire, or perhaps the Devil himself?”
“No reader it was none of the above. Quit guessing because I am about to tell you.
It was a mime.
“Don’t you dare laugh at me! My fear of mimes is no laughing matter.
“What is so funny about a mime?
They are so eerie looking, wearing that ghostly facial makeup, along with the sign of the plague around their eyes dyed in midnight black. Their shirts are as white as a Caucasian corpse with raven coloured striped lines across them. They wear dress pants that you would wear when going to a funeral. They also wear gloves that a professional strangler would have on while doing what they do best!
Here I was jogging home through a dense forest of trees with claw-like branches. The ground crunched underneath me while jogging over twigs and dried leaves. The moon glowed high above me.
“So can you imagine the spooky effect the moon’s glow gave on the mime’s face when he grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around?”
“You still haven’t been convinced that mimes are horrifying beasts?
“Well read what happens next.”
The strangest thing about this whole situation is that I never even heard the mime running or walking ( who really knows) behind me. It’s like he appeared out of nowhere. Like a demon.
The mime’s seaweed coloured eyes stared into mine. His teeth grumbled out of his mouth.
All of a sudden the mime’s face transformed into a skull. His eyes rolled out of his head and blood oozed out of his sockets, while every piece of his facial flesh fell off and landed on my running shoes. At the same time his ears became infected with gangrene and rotted off the sides of his head. Then his gloves dissolved the same way flesh does when acid hits it. Now his hands were nothing but pure bones.
Before I knew it, the rotting mime’s wardrobe rapidly changed. His suit turned into a Grim Reaper robe with a hood to match! Those gothic shoes of his exploded and maggot filled blood hit my face. Surprisingly he began to float a half a foot off the ground.
“Let’s now refer to this mime as the Grim Reaper shall we?
The Grim Reaper took his hands off my shoulders.
I screamed. When I did the deer and rabbits that were near me turned into little green trolls with yellow puss gushing out of their stomachs. Then they ran so far away I lost sight of the creeps.
“Quit saying don’t just stand there, run!
“Impossible!
My entire body except my mouth literally turned into ice with large icicles hanging off my face, arms, and legs.
A bottle labelled Formaldehyde appeared in the Grim Reaper’s left hand.
With his left hand the Grim Reaper grabbed my throat. Then he poured the formaldehyde down my throat.
The narrator’s insides burned up and the heat caused the ice to melt off his body.
Finally, the Grim reaper snapped his fingers and he and the narrator disappeared off the face of the Earth.
Part 2: The Feasting Ground
“Follow me through this tunnel of fog.
“Don’t look so terrified! I am the Grim Reaper and that’s that! Reader, help me carry the narrator’s corpse. After all it will be a long journey.
“Just remember: Death is quick for you but for me it’s a hard task bringing bodies to the feasting ground!
“Oops! I forgot to warn you about that snarling, grey furred, menacing werewolf who likes stalking me and now of course, YOU!
“Don’t worry! I’ll take care of him! Usually he does me no harm, since a soul snatcher can’t be turned into a wolf.
“Hey werewolf! Leave the weak hearted reader alone! Quit nibbling at the reader’s back!
The reaper spun around and hummed a Satanic chant which turned the werewolf into stone.
“Keep helping me carry the narrator’s corpse.
“See that orange light ahead of us?
“Quick! Turn to the left now! That orange light is a disguise. Get to close to it and the light turns into the walking dead. Men and women from the past with rat bitten intestines hanging out of their stomachs and mushy looking eye balls hanging out of their sockets with worms wrapped around them.
“What did you expect? This is a tunnel through the underworld. I can’t just simply drop off his soul for Satan and his little green troll men! First, I have to feed his insides to the creatures of Satan’s desert.
“Reader, you have been brave. Thank-you so much for assisting me through this tunnel. You must excuse those creaky coffins on the left and right of this passage. That’s all part of the sight seeing. Satan enjoys hiding monsters throughout this foggy tunnel.
“Quick run! Yes, run while helping me carry the narrator’s corpse. If you don’t continue to assist me, I’ll have to feed you to those blood sucking vampires.
“Do you see them?”
“Unbelievable isn’t it?
Deathly pale looking women wearing moth covered gowns and rising up from their coffins and trying to pounce on you reader and drain the blood from your neck.
“Yes, I know their hair is crawling with baby rats! The coffins were cheaply put together by Satan’s little green trolls. The rats need a home to you know!
“Hurry up and run with me! The vampire brides are beginning to form a circle around us! Oh, we are almost near the sun at the end of the tunnel.
“Phew! We made it. Don’t panic. Surely you know that vampires detest the sun!
“All right, if it bothers you that much, let me hum a little spell and the rock made from human brains will shoot down from the sky onto this desert.
“Mission accomplished! Now you can’t gawk at the vampire brides anymore.
“Yes, I know we are now floating in the air. It’s because of my supernatural powers that you are floating with me.
“Look down below.
Do you see the army of mummies? Don’t act surprised! This is Satan’s desert you know. It's also know as the Feasting Ground.
“Well it was nice knowing you reader. I must disappear again. But first I must send you and the narrator off.
“Too bad, so sad! I tricked you. Of course I can’t let you live. After all, I am one of Satan’s brothers!
“Didn’t you know that? Well now you do.
“Oh, before I go, let me tell you something.
“Those mummies down there on the hot as lava sand use their bandages as a disguise. They're really the size of dwarves.
“Since the narrator had a fear of mimes they became the death of him. You reader, have a fear of heights. That will be your waterloo.
The Grim Reaper vanished and took its supernatural powers along.
When the narrator and the reader hit the sand, the reader died instantly.
All in a row, the mummies marched towards the narrator and reader. As soon as they got within a foot of the 2 corpses, the mummies melted into the little green trolls. Then they began to chant.
Up from the human flesh built pyramid may the bird rise!
Squawking and screeching all the way.
Rise, Satan’s pet!
Rise and fly!
Then eat!
Rise mighty bird!
Rise! Rise! Rise!
Suddenly the distant pyramid exploded, releasing giant flies and mosquitoes.
Minutes later, a 200 foot tall bird with a wingspan of 50 feet flew out of the demolished pyramid. It was a vulture.
Rapidly, the little green trolls dug a hole in the ground with their claws and buried themselves.
The vulture landed in front of the narrator and reader. Then she opened her sharp beak and began to peck at the carrion.
Part 3: Playthings
Nothing but bones left now. All the flesh has been devoured by the vulture. After the vulture finished her meal, she flew back to the demolished pyramid.
She wrapped her wings around her and all of a sudden the pyramid rebuilt itself around her. Then the vulture fell asleep. She will sleep until the trolls call for her again.
The trolls dug themselves out of the sand and gathered up the bones.
The trolls began to chant:
Our Master the dark lord ,
Please allow us to take the bones to your sea of black water.
Let us appear there, wise old one!
Then, kindly take us back to your home of flames.
Within seconds the trolls appeared above the black sea. Quickly they tossed the bones into the water. Then Satan’s long red serpent-like tail wrapped around the trolls and pulled them under, went down to the bottom of the sea which was covered in leeches and took them under the ground.
A family of purple leviathans began to come up to the surface and playfully tossed the bones back and forth to each other while hissing with joy. As they tossed the bones about, they chanted in a sing song like manner:
Spirits of the 2 dead people, appear and go under!
Let Satan take you folks from the murky depths to the underworld below.
When they get into the underworld, Satan be fair!
Don’t give them each a home to share,
Give them their own fears to bare!
Just then the sprits of the narrator and reader appeared, standing on the water. They cried in agony.
The leviathans licked both spirits with their tongues which were covered in mumps. This caused the narrator and reader to be pulled under the water by a tentacle Satan created out of rocks.
Under the murky depths the spirits went. Through the leech covered sea floor and down to the underworld. Satan then ordered his little green trolls to put the 2 spirits into their separate fear ridden homes.
Part 4: Their New Homes
The spirits of the narrator and the reader have no choice but to suffer in their new homes. Both homes consist of a dungeon with no doors, or windows. The first dungeon has a floor. This is the home of the narrator.
Forever and ever, the narrator will be chased around the 1 room dungeon by a dozen of Satan’s little green trolls. The trolls have taken the form of axe wielding mimes. They have rabid bats fly out of their mouth every time they open them to laugh at the narrator.
The narrator was and will forever be scared of bats and mimes.
The reader who has a phobia of heights will continue to fall through a black bottomless pit for eternity.
Every now and then spiders mysteriously appear on the reader’s body and crawl around.
The reader was and will forever be scared of heights and spiders.
Satan sits in his pit of flames and cheers while viewing not only the narrator and reader but millions of other souls tormented with their fears.
A group of nude witches covered entirely with warts show him this with their cauldron.
The End.
2008
