by Shrub 3/7/09
Well thanks to the hellions at HackMovies, I just came off the sixty minute blitzkrieg of lowbrow obscenity that is Stiff Jobs. Last time out, Kevin Strange and his crew brought us the cornball slasher flick, Colonel Kill Motherfuckers, where a resurrected soldier hunted down a crew of teenage losers. This time around we’re following a couple of foul mouthed hit men around Strangeville as they reminisce about encounters with $5 whores and debate which race gives the best BJs in between pursuing their next target.
Stiff Jobs is largely dialog driven. It’s as if you are watching the snot nosed little brother of Clerks’ as he spouts off in an attempt to one up his big bro. The key difference between this and Clerks though, is the rapid fire stories of filth are usually then played out on screen, spraying your “brainpiece” with the full nasty detail of it all.
Most of the way through, the movie is pretty much blowing brains out and flashbacks that accompany the potty talk between the hit men Wolfram and Windgate (who, by the way, appears to be wearing shades for the whole movie so he can stiltedly read his lines… ah who cares) until Wolfram, who harbors a prejudice against bums because a group of them (who were practicing their, uh, synchronizing skills) gang raped his uncle when he was a kid, gets annoyed by a smack talking, dreadlocked hobo and shoots him. Windgate who had been trying to talk him down then points out, “bad news, you just killed a voodoo rasta motherfucker.” Here’s where the horror elements kick in.
Thanks to Wolfram and Windgate’s carelessness, a necronomicon type of book then falls into the hands of an androgynous creep named Cockhammer who then uses it to take a supernatural (and bloody) reign over Strangeville. We even get a bit of zombie action before all is said and done.
There are a couple of special effects here that are returned to repeatedly – the gun blast followed by the blood burst out the back of the head, which are actually nicely done for such a do it yourself, no budget production. But brace yourself because this is “the most offensive film in the Hack Movies’ catalog” after all, and blood is the least disgusting substance that the characters, and their (fully displayed) nasty parts, are getting covered, smeared, and sprayed with.
Hack Movie productions are so beyond over the top and ridiculous. But they know this. And I have to tell you, I’m a fan. You have to root for a crew like this who is doing their thing completely on their own this way. They do it how they want just because they want, and deliver a product at a fan friendly price too. $9.99 post paid - and I haven’t even begun to wade through the 3 HOURS of extras said to be on this disc! So give ‘em a shot. You might recoil or you might laugh, but either way I bet you’ll be waiting for the next “Hack piece” to drop. Just so you know, Stiff Jobs 2: the Rise of CockHammer is set to come out by this summer.