by Shrub 10/3/09
Here we go again. Seemingly days after the last Hack “piece” titled Stiff Jobs, the prolific perv Kevin Strange brings us a sequel of sorts called CockHammer. Despite the supernatural premise, CockHammer is light on horror. It starts and ends with scenes of gory, evil rituals (and even a couple of monsters), but everything in between is scene after scene of sex obsessed losers throwing out rapid fire locker room trash talking mayhem. We’ve got a cast of misfit, 20-something idiots, many that we’ve met before, who swap girlfriends, watch porn (and are frustrated by all the talking), share sex toys (and as a result, also share crabs), and continuously pop pills and smoke weed to keep their motivation up. And when the girls aren’t around, they figure they’ll just have to go gay because, well they just have no other choice I guess.
There is some real comedy here. I was laughing out loud every time CockHammer blew chunks on somebody’s chest when they wouldn’t hit the right number of steps or door slams or something ritualistically required by this story’s bastardized version of Lovecraft’s Great Old Ones. There’s even a Necronomicon of sorts called the Black Mage Diary, and some tranny demons that are quite easily spooked and killed. Is anything left out? A dick knife you say? Nope. There’s one of them too.
Man I’m all over the place here. I gotta tell you I don’t think I know how to write a review for this movie. It’s absurd. Wolfram and Windgate are back from Stiff Jobs. Windgate’s gone all spiritual, hippie, higher calling on us and wants to quit killing. But he does want to off CockHammer first. I would say that Nixon and Hogan steal the show but Terence and Perander are pretty ridiculous too (I can’t put my finger on it but this Erik A. Williams guy just cracks me up). The Black Mage makes an appearance at the end and is really cool looking. I vote for a Black Mage movie next! And if you think it’s just a bunch of nasty dudes, the girls get their potty mouth moments in too. Equal opportunity.
CockHammer recently got picked up by Tempe for distribution beginning in January 2010. Of course you can already get it for a heck of a price right from Hackmovies.com and based on my conversation with Kevin Strange at ScareFest, they’ll probably have 4 more movies out by the time Tempe gets them into some chain stores and online retailers but hey, it will probably expose their stuff to a whole new scene so you can’t scarf at that. Now if they could just get distribution for that Dream Reaper cassette we’d be set.
I guess that’s it. Order up and support the do-it-yourselfers. These guys are committed so get in while the gettin’s good.